Recently I was part of a social media discussion asking women what advice they might offer to their younger selves. As I waited for some nugget of brilliance to materialize in my brain, I saw others’ answers start to appear – about always learning and being kind and focusing on what’s inside and not what’s outside. All heads nod. But some life-changing or at least life-directing bit of wisdom just seemed to elude me. Everything started to sound like something I might have read on one of those inspirational kitten posters. It just didn’t feel personal. Strangely, I suddenly found myself thinking more about that than the question itself. Does that mean I lack self-awareness? Or at least self-examination?
It continued to turn over and over in my brain. I was determined to come up with an actual answer to that question. In the process, I retraced a lot of steps and experiences that were not the most pleasant memories for me. Though I’ve actively avoided rehashing some of those things, in reality they are finally far enough removed that the emotional charge lessened if not gone. As a result, I did start to get a more objective, third-party type perspective. I suppose that’s what learning and growing is all about. So after much deliberation (and way after anyone on that original discussion would care), I did come up with some words of advice that I think are real for me:
Whatever you do, do it yourself. Don’t let others create your path for you or direct your steps, even when you aren’t sure on your own. Act brave until you feel brave. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t seek advice or listen to perspectives from others with knowledge or experiences. But ultimately, your next move should be yours. It’s so easy, particularly for women and young women I think, to wind up deferring to what others think or tell them is the right thing to do. This might be especially true in a professional or business environment. Boldness may be en vogue but it is still sadly true in my experience that it is more readily accepted in men. Where men are deemed strong, women are difficult. You’ll always find people who will make you feel it’s more acceptable to do things their way. Do it yourself anyway.
While I couldn’t come up with the words then (as is so often the case), maybe there they are, at least what I have for now.
